| Most nights and mornings when I'm trying to go to sleep or trying to wake up I either think about my time in Central America or all the suffering people in the world. Mostly I think about how inadequate I feel. How I want to do so much but don't seem to be accomplishing anything. I'm so anxious about graduating and knowing what happens next... On Friday, somehow or another I found myself walking into the doors of trinity church totally by happenstance. There was a service going on and I don't remember much about it except that the singing was beautiful and the people who were speaking seemed to speak more educated then emotionally. I sat and thought about Jesus and the whole reason why we celebrate Easter. I came to the conclusion that even though there is so much about Jesus that I don't understand I had to give the man his props for what he exemplified with his life. Why was it so much easier to pay my respects to MLK, Gandhi, or closer to home, Mark, and how I can admire and pay my respects to them, but somehow it seemed more difficult to do the same for Jesus? At the end of the service however I thanked Jesus for what he did and realized that I never knew any of the people who I looked up to personally and that none of them were perfect. After the service was over I found myself with a group of people walking behind a man with a cross through the streets of Boston in order to seek out the places Jesus might have spent his last days had he lived in Boston. They were place where the homeless were taken care of and at each site we read scripture, liturgy, sang a chorus and learned about the problem of homelessness in Boston and what was being done.  Our journey lasted about two hours and when it was all over I felt convicted to give every homeless person I saw a quarter and that I wanted to volunteer at one of these place. On the way back on the train I gave the man with stumps for arms a dollar, asked him his name, told him mine, wished him happy easter and told him to stay warm. I felt good at first but as I sat on the train I thought...on that whole journey we didn't actually spend any time with homeless people but just talked about a problem we already knew existed and felt guilty for it. Again I felt inadequate.
I got to experience a bit of what a Romanian Orthodox Easter was like with the Popa's Saturday night I went with them to their late night service and it was really beautiful. We went outside with our candles and the singing was really cool. At midnight we came home and had a mini easter dinner where we cracked the died red eggs with each other saying Christ is Risen! He is risen indeed! On Easter Sunday a bunch of people were over and it was a good time. Mia loved cracking the eggs. Especially on her own head. Gabi had a matching dress with her doll and kept wanting to play the doctor game where we save her dying child. The food was great and we had a lot of fun. They're a great family.     
I have a lot to do still before I'm totally done with school. Our show opens up in two weeks and I have to write my papers for comps and do my senior project...and find a job and a place to live....so a lot going on and I just want to pack up and leave the country and say fuck the loans and the people i love....but I can't do it. at least not yet ;) We'll see what happens. |
